I have hit 2 significant set-backs, even though I am still fairly early on in my preparations:
1. the costume I had my eye on is out of stock pretty much everywhere, and the people selling it second hand on e-bay are asking nearly twice the standard retail price for it, which I can't afford.
2. I have suffered something of a nervous breakdown and have been signed off work for a few weeks to recover. My GP actually wanted to sign me off for 3 months, but I talked him down because I love my job, even though it is actually the main source of unimaginable stress in my life right now.
Problem 1 can be dealt with through saving and patience, and I'm really only mentioning it because it's part of my overall plan. Problem 2 is much more serious, however, and I'm hoping that by writing some of my thoughts about it down, it might help to clear my head a little (and maybe even make me feel better.) I have no intentions for this blog to turn into mopy, 'woe-is-me' ramblings, but I am a long-term sufferer of depression, so it was always inevitable that some of that was going to turn up here at one point or another. I mean, I'm planning on running a marathon. If anything is going to trigger depression in an morbidly obese bastard like me, it's going to happen during the gruelling preparations for an even more gruelling long-distance run. Even in a dinosaur costume.
Depression has always been a part of my life, and for the most part, I have it under control. I take medication, and I have had several courses of CBT as well as other talking therapies. Generally speaking, I live a normal life, with only the occasional slump into darkness. For the last 4-5 years, in fact, I have only had one serious episode and it came shortly after having (non-life-threatening) surgery, and may well have been caused by the exhaustion of physical recovery. That was about 18months ago.
This episode is directly linked to work stress. I have a very stressful job, and at the moment, there are events going on at work (both directly affecting me and more general things in our department) which have increased the pressure exponentially. At this immediate point in time, I have seriously been considering giving up my job and changing to something monotonous and mundane, just to get away from the stress. I mean, this isn't normal stress. This is stress that had me admitted to hospital and undergoing a psychiatric evaluation before they would let me leave again. It's serious business.
(Please note: I did not mention this blog in the evaluation. Given the circumstances, I was not convinced that talking about dressing up as a dinosaur and chasing people would be entirely appropriate, especially since I wanted to leave the hospital...)
So.... what am I doing to get back on track with things, both from a work point of view, and a rampaging-dinosaur point of view?
Well- I do have some plans. I am in touch with my work's occupational health department, as well as applying to a local mental health charity to see if they can offer me some support. I may take up yoga (depending on how confident I feel on the day- I have never done yoga in my life before...), since the person who gave me my psychiatric evaluation recommended it, and on the whole I tend to take medical advice when it's been given to me. I am also, obviously, in touch with my GP, who is monitoring me pretty closely at the moment. Oh, and tomorrow, I'm off to buy myself a pair of rollerskates, because I always used to enjoy them as a kid, and I feel like it would be a fun way to get back into exercising, rather than lumbering about attempting to jog, or something like that (that will come later.)
So, that's the plan: until further notice, I will be a yoga-performing, roller-skating future dinosaur. Or at least, I will be until I start feeling better, or strong enough to try some actual, you know, running.
1. the costume I had my eye on is out of stock pretty much everywhere, and the people selling it second hand on e-bay are asking nearly twice the standard retail price for it, which I can't afford.
2. I have suffered something of a nervous breakdown and have been signed off work for a few weeks to recover. My GP actually wanted to sign me off for 3 months, but I talked him down because I love my job, even though it is actually the main source of unimaginable stress in my life right now.
Problem 1 can be dealt with through saving and patience, and I'm really only mentioning it because it's part of my overall plan. Problem 2 is much more serious, however, and I'm hoping that by writing some of my thoughts about it down, it might help to clear my head a little (and maybe even make me feel better.) I have no intentions for this blog to turn into mopy, 'woe-is-me' ramblings, but I am a long-term sufferer of depression, so it was always inevitable that some of that was going to turn up here at one point or another. I mean, I'm planning on running a marathon. If anything is going to trigger depression in an morbidly obese bastard like me, it's going to happen during the gruelling preparations for an even more gruelling long-distance run. Even in a dinosaur costume.
Depression has always been a part of my life, and for the most part, I have it under control. I take medication, and I have had several courses of CBT as well as other talking therapies. Generally speaking, I live a normal life, with only the occasional slump into darkness. For the last 4-5 years, in fact, I have only had one serious episode and it came shortly after having (non-life-threatening) surgery, and may well have been caused by the exhaustion of physical recovery. That was about 18months ago.
This episode is directly linked to work stress. I have a very stressful job, and at the moment, there are events going on at work (both directly affecting me and more general things in our department) which have increased the pressure exponentially. At this immediate point in time, I have seriously been considering giving up my job and changing to something monotonous and mundane, just to get away from the stress. I mean, this isn't normal stress. This is stress that had me admitted to hospital and undergoing a psychiatric evaluation before they would let me leave again. It's serious business.
(Please note: I did not mention this blog in the evaluation. Given the circumstances, I was not convinced that talking about dressing up as a dinosaur and chasing people would be entirely appropriate, especially since I wanted to leave the hospital...)
So.... what am I doing to get back on track with things, both from a work point of view, and a rampaging-dinosaur point of view?
Well- I do have some plans. I am in touch with my work's occupational health department, as well as applying to a local mental health charity to see if they can offer me some support. I may take up yoga (depending on how confident I feel on the day- I have never done yoga in my life before...), since the person who gave me my psychiatric evaluation recommended it, and on the whole I tend to take medical advice when it's been given to me. I am also, obviously, in touch with my GP, who is monitoring me pretty closely at the moment. Oh, and tomorrow, I'm off to buy myself a pair of rollerskates, because I always used to enjoy them as a kid, and I feel like it would be a fun way to get back into exercising, rather than lumbering about attempting to jog, or something like that (that will come later.)
So, that's the plan: until further notice, I will be a yoga-performing, roller-skating future dinosaur. Or at least, I will be until I start feeling better, or strong enough to try some actual, you know, running.
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